What would you do with more personal time? If your ties and responsibilities dissolved or lessened. Would you be happier? Write that novel, reorg the garage, learn to play the guitar...
How many of us wish for more? Silently breathe a sigh of relief with a layoff that there may be a few weeks of time that partially can be devoted a big self improvement project. Only to find few things off the to-do list when a job comes knocking again.
Learned a few lessons about myself and freedom the past handful of years. It's alot of work to be free. Longing for attachment and belonging to another gets in the way. The desire to build a life with someone in the frame work of a family no matter how small that unit is defined is a underlying tow. Untethered you can reach incredible dizzying heights and equally low depths. But the momentum is solely yours to create. And it can be exhausting.
Sometimes, I find I need to drag myself kicking and screaming into things that I enjoy to do. Gardening is one. In theory I love it, in practice it's peaceful and calming to whole being. So why is it a constant battle to show up to pull the weeds? Cooking enacts the same struggle. Love the smells, sound and rhythm of cooking. And it's like pulling teeth to get me to cook for myself on a consistent basis.
Now that a normal schedule is at hand, I've more freedom to create, dream, provide self care and balance. My excuse is gone. And I'm struggling a bit with indecision. Yes - I can accomplish something every night if I chose. Why so often does that choice result in my feet up, unplugged on the couch? In the face of so many options my default is the path of least resistance. And it doesn't bring happiness or self love.
Beginning to understand why I tend to be an elaborate planner. I need the push and pull of deadlines artificial or not. Work so much better with some structure around my time off, I need some accountability and accomplishment. Sacrificing a bit of freedom and spontaneity.
So my self challenge as we head into a new month is to pick a handful of things on that long to-do list and complete them. Pick a one thing from the creative column, one from the self care, one from the spiritual list and one from the nagging chores. Narrow down the many to the few and see what happens. I'll let you know as soon as I define them.
August, here I come.