Evolving Sweetie

Deck Shape Up 2012

Decided last weekend to spend the beautiful spring days sprucing up my deck and my friend Sara's backyard instead of getting the P-Patch setup. We both needed a little boost and our relaxation spaces refreshed.  Plus, my P-Patch plot is getting a makeover this year with raised beds. I'm so excited! Another weekend's project.

Overwintering your deck? Who has the time! So, three lawn bags of dirt and dried out plants later, I was able to see the possibilities.  My little deck will turn into a shady oasis as the oaks start filling in this month.  Concentrated on the tried and true ferns, hostas and bleeding hearts. Decided to accent with my fav's blue pansies and violas. And added lovely burst of hot pink with a full bloom azalea. 

My little herb garden is filled with the staples - thyme, oregano, tarragon, sage and a whole box of mint. Love my spearmint! And a larger rosemary plant, of course. Joy is running my hand through an herb on my deck and scenting the air.  To round out the herbs, I found a lovely spanish lavendar with purple nubs and white flags. A small note of tribute to Chuck.

Tug on the heart strings to not have Ross around to enjoy the catmint I picked up for him last month. It'll be nurtured for a future furball. Maybe I'll be ready for the pitter patter of little cat paws later this summer.

2 hours of hard work and $200 later, my little patio retreat is rejuvenated.

 

Postcards from the my revitalized deck:

Yikes, that's alot of work!

Mid-way - out with the old.

Finished - in with the new!

Pioneer Woman in Seattle

This week has been jammed packed with activity. Entertainment galore. Updates forthcoming.

Last night, Ree Drummond aka the Pioneer Woman was in town promoting her new cookbook. Promise she is as charming, gracious and funny in person. Very sweet and lovely after signing books for nearly 3 hours. 

My friend Catherine & I braved standing in line 2 hours to get 7 books signs (bless her heart!). Plenty of great time to catch up. We made a few women's day by upgrading their group ticket from "H" to "E" as we had 2 extra tickets due to no shows. Mercy, we left at 10:15 and they were just starting signing group F. My feet finally recovered after a good ol' epson bath soak and few zzzs.

Wonderful night!

 

Postcards from Third Place Books in Seattle: 

Standing in line - almost there

Yahoo!

My stack! Not all for me.

 

Sunday Picnics

The condo is too quiet. No signs of life beyond my own rustlings. Fluxuating between relief that Ross's suffering is past and abundant sadness. Missing them all, my loving and blessed little family. Left behind by husband and kitties. Clinging to the belief that more love, happiness and lavish joy is around the next corner. Overdue.

Spent most of this gorgeous day puttering in the condo. In the midst of turning over winter to spring and dusting the cobwebs away (figuratively). By dinner time I was ready to relax and take in a few rays. After trekking to half priced books to secure my tickets for the Pioneer Woman book signing next week, I indulged in take out from my neighborhood BBQ joint, Raining Ribs. I ♥ 'em!

Spread out a blanket at Matthew Beach and enjoyed the view. And tried to ignore the tribe of kids having screaming contests. We are all just trying to shake the grey out of our hearts and minds. Ribs, hush puppies, root-beer and diving into a new cookbook acquistion Joy the Baker turned out to be a grand ending to the weekend. Maybe this will be a new spring/summer tradition...

 

Postcards from a Picnic @ Matthew's Beach

hello dinner

sexy rib shot

view

my new dinner companions

 

Free-falling

Reminded myself yesterday why I love day trips so. Magical crossings on the ferry watching the waves and seaguls dance in the sunbeams. NPR Sat morning chuckles. Belting out old and new favs at the top of my lungs. Landscape changing with every turn. 

Rare for me to travel so far alone. And I had the bonus of meeting friends at that other end. But ah, the luxurious freedom of it. Reclaiming of a joy I once so loved. Enough distance past that the echos of T & C journeys are faint. Time to rediscover anew, solo or with a player to be named later.

The title of the post was inspired by the scene in Jerry Maquire where Jerry is on the road happily singing Tom Petty's Free-falling. The smile on his face sums it up beautifully.

 

Goodnight, My Little Pumpkin

And life changes in a flash. Came home Wednesday night to find Ross in a crumbled heap with his back legs immobile and scared out of his wits. The time had come. Miraculously, I had the presence of mind to get us both to the ER Vet and my BIL to meet us there. 

I marvel at the words that flow in this moment.  We both had been preparing and rehearsing our speeches. Secret little kitty purrs straight into my ear and o'dark thirty awakening to sneak in more snuggles. Many snuggle sessions ending with me in tears telling him how loved he is, how grateful I am that he spent his life with me and how I don't know how I will start and end my days with out his sweet presence. All of that goes out the window when the time is at hand. Tears flow endlessly, but the words dripping throughout like a mantra are all of reassurance...peace is coming, Chandler & Chuck are waiting, you've been the best kitty ever.  And the most urgently needed one for us both to hear - I will be ok. I promise.

My life has been so blessed with 16.5 years entwined with a beautiful, devoted, loving, funny, stubborn and sweet, sweet little cat named Ross. A true gift of unconditional love that saved my life time and time again. I love you so pumpkin. 

 

Postcards of my little Ross

 

last pictures - silly boy

Favorite spot to snuggle

Love this one

Healthier days

How I picture him now...snuggled up with his brother, my little one Chandler.

Love and miss you both!!!

 

Growth Opportunity

Life always gives us the opportunity for growth. "Growth" is short hand for queue up the tears and angst. My elderly fur ball Ross is the current source for all my worries and sleepless nights. How to find the balance between doing what is right for him and me in the spectrum of throwing in the towel too soon all the way through do everything remotely possible until the kitty's natural last breath.

No one can make this decision for anyone else. And usually our opinions fall into one side of the scale over the other. Trying to find the right balance point, the point that I can live with myself afterwards. And I'm shell shocked from years of Chuck's illness, grief and having Chandler's illness progress to the end point under my oblivious, grief stricken eye.  

The opportunity is presenting itself for me to handle things differently. Hoping this week's tests illuminate the road ahead. And give me some solid ground to operate from.

After the vet visit, my snuggle bug and I couch napped in the sun. The pic below is what I awoke to - a cat hat.

 

Instagram - Cat Nap

A Walk in the Zoo

My lovely nieces and I took in the Woodland Park Zoo a few weekends ago. Loved soaking up the Aunt time and sunshine. We had a blast. What a joy to see how their engagement with the animals and zoo paraphernalia morphs with their age. 

I treasure these years where I joyously play the part of the fun and adoring aunt in their lives. As time marches on this too will shift and evolve into a different view. Will I be the treasured confidant? An old fav that lost it's glitter? A spiritual guide? A trusted friend? Or someone who just doesn't understand? Likely, the answer is all of thee above.  So for now, I'll be present and cherish these moments. And enjoy my rockstar status in their lives.

 

Postcards from the Woodland Park Zoo

Mairead @ 7.5 

Emmie's creations

Mairead's bird house

Peacock strut

Giraffes strolling

Emmie @ 5.75

My monkeys tree climbing

Beautiful Jaguar

Last view of the day. Catch you later Penguins.

 

Springing Back into Action

Wow, hard to believe it's been almost 2 whole seasons since I've created in this space. Time flies too fast. Wish I could report some fabulous new beau, journey or wonderful new passion whisked me away all this time. Alas, just the normal rhythms of life. And a healthy desire to create this space a new.  But as with all my plans lots of thought is generated without a lot of follow through.  I'm in a little bit of a doers slump.

Love my BFF, she's been through EVERYTHING with me and sums it up best. I've a need to look at life from all angles and potential outcomes. However when I've decided on the road, action and creation follow swiftly. 

This space started out as a journey towards healing. Evolving myself, a.k.a. "Sweetie" with grief and work through widowhood into a new chapter. And aside from the engaging in a new relationship part and a few paperwork issues, I've done a beautiful job. Survival secured. Now is the time to trive.

Thrive.

Be Happy.

Make choices out of love and gratitude.

Create.

Laugh more, smile often.

Listen to my heart.

Loosen the grip on the past.

Let the future unfold at it's own pace.

Be present.

Recognise the little steps I take today, will become miles down the road.

Be Jeannette. No one else can be.