Evolving Sweetie

Staring at the Sea - Part 2

Seabrook is a brand-spanking new beach town about 20 miles up the WA coast from Oceanshores. It's charming and quite spectacular. The town was established in 2004 and is in the first building phase. It'll take some time for the community and support structure to build up. But it's got a great concept and plan.

A sweet and lovely little get-away to the coast. 

 

POSTCARDS from Seabrook WA on the Pacific Coast

 

 

 

 

 

 

Staring at the Sea - Part 1

Lucky gal...spent last weekend on the WA shore with my sister and some fabulous new friends. What a treat and mini-vaca away from everyday life. Conjured up dreams of a 2nd home on the beach. Weekends and weeks filled with salt kissed air and sand between my toes. Mmmm, nice daydream.

Too cold for bare-footing down the beach this time of year. Love the shore in the winter. Moody, sparse and contemplative. Relax and recoup was the order of the day. 

Sharing my joyous weekend in 3 posts. Since I'm a life is short eat dessert first kinda girl, today is all about the beauty of the sun setting over the water.

Breath-taking & gorgeous.

 

POSTCARDS from the WA Coast

My lovely weekend roomies - Heather, Stacy & Jennie

Stacy, Tamara & Jennie

 

Spring Has Sprung

Spring is definitely in the air in the PNW. And not a moment too soon! 

One of my major goals this year is to invest in things that make my heart sing. Towards that end, I signed up for a month long Photography course at The Mountaineers. Been brushing up my technique, wiping the cobwebs from my eyes, and taking the camera out of auto-mode. Enjoying it and remembering what it's like to be more deliberate with my photos than just framing. Alas, I now have a laundry list of additional equipment I'd like to own someday. Sigh!

Note to self ~ schedule more dates with my inner shutterbug. Consider a reoccurring weekly event.

 

POSTCARDS from Springtime Seattle

 

 

Snapshot of Love

Rare is the day that you know how absolutely loved and cherished you are. Your wedding day is such an occasion. Family and friends from all parts of your life witness and rejoice as you step forward into a future entwined with your beloved. The day sparkles and bursts at the seams with love.

Seven years ago sweet Chuck, we married. Now viewing from this perspective, I'm so thankful that we didn't know what life would deal us just a little down the road. Gifted with beautiful memories and mementos of this day that shined brightly with our love, hope and joy. As true as it was seven years ago, I am honored and blessed to have been your wife. I love you and miss you my husband, friend and soul-mate.

After reviewing hundreds of images from our wedding, this snapshot of us dancing alone under the Arc De Triomphe best captures how I remember this day. And I can still hear you singing in my ear.

Happy Anniversary my love.  

Toast to You

Today, you would have been 42 years old. Yet time stands still at 37. 

My dearest Chuck, I raise a toast of thanks to the heavens for the day you were born. Your light shined through a big heart with laughter, wicked humor, love, loyalty, valor, honor, abundance and grace. You were a true husband, son and friend. The person we all counted on to be by our side when the chips were down. The world was a better place with you in it. 

Happy birthday, my love.

 

Renewal

Funny how time just slips away. I've yearned for this space often without finding the inspiration or the expression. Lost thoughts, emotions not willing to be explored further and withdrawal. 

In the midst of my personal March madness again which technically starts winding up my internal springs as February approaches. Thankfully things set in motion this time to shatter all the windows and blow open all the doors of my being. Lots of tough love was administered from various angles illuminating a few truths that I needed to look long and hard at.

• Standing pat is not the same as processing or growing. Pretty much checked out of the hard grief work and processing over the past year. As I review my commitment and comments here, it's evident to me that lack of attention on my part. And the truth is I haven't been able to let Chuck go. Not to the degree that I can build a healthy, vibrant relationship with someone else. 

• Loving what is. Giving myself permission to love my life just as it happened and as it is. Bryon Katie has a book "Loving What Is" about embracing reality for what was meant to happen, happened. Her method is called "The Work" containing a series of 4 questions that we should ask ourselves of any given difficulty. Our suffering stems from attachment and assigning meaning to life's outcomes. My favorite question is "How would I be different if I didn't think or feel this way?" It's powerful.

• Cancer ISN'T happening to Chuck now. The "AHA" moment in this thought to me was that I am the only one who is still caught in the loop of Chuck's cancer and struggles. Chuck is freed and at peace. My family and friends, who were blessed with fewer difficult memories from this time, are free to carry forward the true essence of Chuck and found peace. That doesn't mean he is forgotten and not missed in their lives. But I've been so traumatized and devastated by his battle with cancer/loss that between the anger, heart-break, sorrow and grief there is little room for love and gratitude to flourish. Forcing the happy memories stay buried under the difficult ones. 

• Carrying Chuck's cancer around is KILLING me. This inability to move beyond the painful cancer memories is killing my spirit and our love. At that same time that this realization was dawning I learned of a techniques EFT or tapping that helps process emotions through the body for release. I've adapted these techniques and set a few appointments to work thorough the hard stuff. It's facilitated more healing in this short month timeframe that I've seen in years.

• Lightness of being. My greatest wish is for lightness. Lightness of heart, spirt, mind and body. Heaviness has ground my life for over 6 years now. I want to soar, create, laugh and love to greater degrees. For my natural state to be at peace, not struggling to obtain or maintain it. 

• Fall in Love with ME all over again. Here is the hardest lesson of them all. Time to become me and to love being me again. One step is to stop thinking of myself as Chuck's wife and widow. Yes, they are roles I have been and have lovingly shaped the woman I am. But neither is fully me, not even close. Time for engaging in things that bring me happiness and joy. Reigniting that spark of creativity. Take pleasure in the freedom to fill my free time with my heart desires versus balancing the needs of a family, partner etc. Feed, nurture and fully loving me. This is the greatest key to my happiness and rebuilding a life I love. Someday that will include a partner, a fulfilling career and hopefully my own family however that appears. But right now, it's all about healing and loving myself. 

So I'm re-dedicating this space to the exploration of all things that bring me pleasure and joy. While acknowledging the occasional hard lesson processing. My goals for this year are to grow and learn new hobbies and passions. Rebalance my physical health to active and vibrant. And live in gratitude and joy.