Evolving Sweetie

Thanks for the Memories Junior

Today Ken Griffey,Jr retired from Major League Baseball. 

630 Home Run Hitter. 

Undoubtedly, a first round inductee to Cooperstown.

Retired a Seattle Mariner. In the city, he raised to be a baseball town. 

Mariners #24 needs to be retired along with you.

Personally, it's a melancholy day. Griffey - the one who made me fall in love with baseball all over again. His smile, spirit, athleticism and pure talent, an absolute joy and privilege to behold. Wish we could've given you a proper and royal send off. One last standing ovation to seal in your memory how loved you are in our corner of the world.

Thank you for the wonderful memories Junior! 

POSTCARDS of Griffey from Spring Training 2010

 

         

 

We'll miss you Griffey! Happy Retirement!

Leaving a Decade

It was the best of times, it was the worse of times. These are the very first words that ring through as I've been trying to come to terms with leaving the 00s behind. As the holiday weekend ends, I realize that I've spent days running away from writing this entry. 

This decade represents a loss of innocence to me. We rang in this decade in fear and paranoia over the Y2K bug. No matter where you landed in the spectrum of concern - the opening of the millennium was approached with a degree of caution. 

And then the world stood still as the Towers fell. Generations of us forever changed in those horrific hours. But it's where innocence vanished, that gifted us the room to be compassionate, patriotic, responsible, generous and heroic. One of life's mysteries is the best in humanity is witnessed in our most tragic moments. This is a lesson we'd learn over and over.

Personally - I can't proclaim this decade as good or bad. It's absolutely housed the best days of my life. And unquestionably the worst ones. 

• My entire life with Chuck was written during these years. I fell in love with my soul mate and married him. We barely started our life together when we engaged in the battle against cancer for his life. A scant 2 years later, he was gone, released to a better place. And I'm still reconstructing. The best and the worst days of my life belonged with him.

• I gained a wonderful brother in Mike when he married my little sister. Joyously over the years, I became an aunt to 2 lovely nieces. And I'm forever grateful that they chose Seattle to place their roots down. Love having most of my family close by.

• Gained an amazing friend family through Chuck and they are now my core of friends. On the flip side, I lost a whole family of in-laws.

• Found that I'm so blessed to have many family and friends that lighted my way through the darkest days. 

• Fortunate to travel and see many extraordinary places this decade - England, France, Italy, Prague, Belgium, Germany, Amsterdam, Hawaii, Alaska, Chicago, San Francisco, Las Vegas...

• Worked for 3 employers and had 2 long stints of unemployment. But luckily have always landed on my feet when I truly needed it.

• Started out in a small studio apartment, moved to a tiny house for the duration of my marriage and ended the decade in my very own 2 bedroom condo.

• Blessed to witness some of my longest friendship find their mates, get married and start families. Joyfully watched as most of my friends' families bloomed.

• Found passions in cooking and telling my story through blogging and scrap booking. Continued to look for creative pursuits. 

• Lost my Grandmother. Watched as more friends lost parents. And heartbreakingly a few lose a child.

• Continued my journey with my 2 furry, purry companions by my side. 14+ years and still going strong.

A decade is just a measure in time. My life experienced extraordinary highs and lows during this one. I've been profoundly changed, challenged and blessed. 

Looking forward to seeing what this new decade contains. 

Conquering the Tree

Spontaneity overcame me today. Had a rare Saturday without any plans except to make some soup, take in a few football games and relax. I'd already decided to forgo a tree this year. Maybe you remember the Tree or Not to Tree debate last year. Funny enough my decision this year had nothing to do with Chuck. I just didn't foresee entertaining in my home this year and thought I'd spare myself the bother.

Then spontaneity kicked in. Oh the hints were there all week... friends getting trees, grocery clerk asking if I was decorating my tree this weekend, my mother talking about putting up Chuck's/My tree at the facility she works at.  On the way home from the gym this morning, I was overcome with the urge to drive to Target and buy an artificial tree sized just right for my condo. Please don't feel bad that it's not a real tree. Honestly, I've never had one in my life. A fresh cut wreath brings in the pine scent for me just fine. Besides I'm to much of a nervous ninny when it comes to fire hazards that I don't think I'd relax the whole season with a real tree. Mind you I've got excellent reasons on this front - but those are stories for another day.

And it was kismet, for wouldn't you know the store had the perfect sized pre-lit tree and they were down to 1 left. 

The thing about spontaneity is there is little time to prepare for the emotional consequences. Earlier this year I sorted through our decorations so it wasn't the first time I faced them since our last Christmas together. I even prepared myself by packing away the ornaments around our wedding in a keepsake box. To my surprise mid-decorating the tree I brought them out for a final season. I realized that maybe for the first time in my life - this tree was just for me.  

No plans were in place for decorating. Previous themes revolved around dark blue and silver which doesn't quite work in the warmer toned condo. Pulling out my decorations I found a number of gold sprays, crystal beaded garlands and a few ruby jeweled poinsettias I picked up last year. Gold, silver, crystal, red and midnight blue. The final product turned out to be perfectly me - graceful, touches of elegance with nostalgia and whimsy. 

 

The last ornament I placed on the tree was one of Chuck's childhood wooden soldiers. And this was the one that opened the flood gates. For the 2nd time in my life I sobbed over a Christmas tree. This little microcosm of my life - places I've traveled, people who are no longer with me, and angels everywhere to look over me. 

Beautiful.

POSTCARDS from my living room 

The little redheaded bride and blond groom that I gave to Chuck the year we were engaged.

The angel my mother made from ribbons from my sister's wedding.

The angel my Grandmother Shirley made.

 

Little hummel angel's that were from my Grandmother Margie's tree.   

Mickey & Minnie from our trip to Disney.

And this one has double meaning for me. My mother always called me her Raggedy Ann doll. I bought us both this ornament years ago to remember that. Here Raggedy Ann has found her Andy and they are sitting in the moon. After Chuck & I got together the ornament took on another layer- Fly Me to the Moon was our song. We loved seeing this on our tree as a reminder.  

 

Seven Years

Today...

Seven years ago, marked my last first date.

Seven years ago, dinner in a little french bistro changed the course of our lives.

Seven years ago, our remarkable love story began.

Seven years ago, soul mates collided.

Dearest Chuck ~ 

Happy Anniversary of our first date my love. I'm forever grateful for the gift of you as my husband, lover, best-friend and companion. You were the one who recognized my soul. You are my hero. Your love shaped me into the woman I am today - strong, loved beyond measure, tested, peaceful, secure, compassionate and a survivor. My life with you allowed the best in me to shine through even in our darkest hours. Wherever you are, my heart and soul travel alongside you. Miss you more than words could hope to express honey. 

I love you through eternity.

Your Sweetie  ~ Jeannette

Little Earthquakes

What a week it's been. Lots of medical procedures happening and being planned throughout my family and friends. Happily, I can report that the emergency for my friends C & B turned out to be the best of all possible scenarios and life should return to normal for them soon. And C's Dad's prognosis is good. I'm overflowing with gratitude for my friends and their families.

On top of my emotions, prayers and worry for my friends, I was catapulted right back into the grief, confusion and sorrow of Chuck's initial diagnosis and treatments. Stunned after all that I've survived and rebuilt just how raw and shallow below the surface all of those experiences and emotions lie. The ground shifted and down I tumbled into that dark and scary crevice. Another reminder that there is no healing from some experiences, we just learn to live beyond them.

During my travels this week I spent a lot of time with Tori Amos listening to her beautiful prose and music. Her emotional delivery is a touchstone for me in hard times. Once again, she refused to fail me. Little Earthquakes shook me to the core. And helped me belt through the sorrow and pain over and over until the ground seamed itself back together. 

We danced in graveyards with vampires till dawn

We laughed in the faces of kings never offering to burn

And I hate disintegration

Watching us wither

Black winged roses that safely change their colors

Oh - these little earthquakes

Here we go again

Oh - these little earthquakes

doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

I can't reach you

Give me life

Give me pain

Give me myself again

Pictures of You

Wish - I had a picture for each day we were together. To have some tangible link to those all those precious, everyday moments. Moments that were meant to last a forever.  And they did last a lifetime... yours.

"I've been living so long with my pictures of you

that I almost believe that they're real

I've been living so long with my pictures of you

that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel"

And the pictures, they can blindside you. An article, or hollywood generated scene and BAM... there you are reliving a horrifying moment you scarcely lived through. Watching as poison courses through your husband's veins. Helpless, terrified and willing all your strength to not rip the treacherous tubes from his body. 

And here comes the sharp inhale of breath as your heart cracks open once again. And the tears come streaming forth on the exhale.

These pictures give voice to your inner demons. Did I do enough for you my love? Was I present enough to hold your hand during the worst times? What else could I have done?  And the assault goes round and round until I collapse in a heap of exhaustion. Sending the questions scurrying on the winds to be answered in another undisclosed time and place.

Tonight as I lay my head down, I'd give all that I have to feel your arms around me... soothing me to sleep. Instead of the urgent need to conjure up your memory to lull me as I drift away.

"There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more

than to feel you deep in my heart

There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more

than to never feel I'm breaking apart my pictures of you"

Pictures of You - by the Cure

Recipe Monday - October 12th

Saturday - my kitchen turned into a bakery as I prepared dessert for an event that evening. More details of that will follow in tomorrow's post. I spent the afternoon cranking out cookies for up to 40 people. Decided that batches of cookies would be the simplest way to have variety and easy transport. Wanting to evoke memories of comfort and love, I chose to stick with the standards - Chocolate Chip, Gingersnaps and Peanut Butter cookies.

A smile from Chuck always graces my face when I make Chocolate Chip cookies. Being married to a chef, I was loathed to bake just the standard Toll House cookies. I wanted something more sophisticated and special. After working through a half dozen or so recipes and configurations, Chuck gently informed me that the Toll House cookie recipe is a gold standard for a reason. Sometimes, you just need to recognize perfection. From that day on I always use the Toll House recipe while substituting Ghiradelli's 60% Cacao semi-sweet chips and kosher salt for their counterparts. The richer chocolate and the bursts of salt from the heavier salt crystals appeals to my adult pallet, while keeping the integrity of this childhood favorite. A near perfect cookie.

For the other two offering, I turned to a cookbook I picked up at the Seattle Public Library sale a few weekends ago. It's from a little bakery & bistro in Portland, Oregon called Caprial's Bistro. I love picking up cookbook from bakeries and getting a insight into their inspiration and techniques. What drew me to using their recipes for the Gingersnaps and Peanut Butter cookies was they were handed down through the writer and editor's family. Love the sentimentality of it. You'll find these recipes in Caprial's Desserts. 

Gingersnaps are my favorite. Partly a nod to my German heritage with spiced cookies, and complete love of black-strap molasses. As an young adult, my mother went through a spell of building my cookie cutter collection with each new holiday. It was a sweet link to many a childhood holiday cookie baking session. But here is my dirty little secret...I HATE sugar cookies!!!! To me they are bland and not worthy of the calories. Ok - there is one cavet - they need to be made by one of the adorable children in my life. But it's like vanilla ice cream. My first job was working at Baskin Robbins dishing up ice-cream. Blew me away that in a world of 30+ flavors that someone would purposely choose vanilla. And it happened more than you'd think. Whew - thanks for letting me get that out! Armed with an arsenal of cookie cutters, I released gingerbread recipes into all sorts of shapes and flights of fantasy.

I'm always in search of the definitive gingerbread and gingersnap recipes each of which is a different consistency. To me the best gingersnaps need to have good spice combination, a hint of crispness and chewy texture. Not a fan of the cookies that you need to dunk in milk to soften enough to bite. This recipe in Caprial's Dessert - Jenny's Great-Grandma's Gingersnaps has just risen to the top of the heap for me. I sprinkled them with some thick clear sugar crystals for sparkle. And I loved that the recipe is now on a fourth generation. Maybe it could have been handed down to me from my own Great-Aunt Jenny. And for a moment when I was stirring them I remember my Pap trying to rename me Jenny-Lynn as a toddler. This recipe is would be a keeper for that alone, but it won me over with it's taste. Lovely, just lovely. 

Which brings us to the last offering - Mom's Peanut Butter Cookies from Caprial's Dessert which I again chose to try based on the nostalgic name. Peanut butter cookies are one of my favorites from childhood. I remember Mom making them the size of your hand. They were HUGE and scrumptious. And although my mother would mock my normal sized offerings - the recipe was close to her gems. I even remembered to keep a glass of water to wet the fork while making the trademark crisscross pattern. These cookies were the hit of the evening. And the ones my colleagues reluctantly left behind. So yummy!

Happy Monday!

A Wish for Peace

Today, I wish for peace and healing for our nation. My heart goes out to those who lost loved ones. For this day - I remember.

Recipe Monday - Sept 7th

The rains have come back to the PNW this labor day weekend. Feels like fall is definitely upon us. And for me fall means batches of soup and stews.  Saturday - I left a chicken stock simmering most of the afternoon. Love when my house smells of chicken and herb goodness. A tip I read recently to keep stock from taking so much space in the freezer - freeze it in ice cube trays and then pack them in a zip lock bag. 2 cubes = 1/4 cup. Brilliant. 

Back to my soup. This week I simmered up the Barefoot Contessa's  Italian Wedding Soup from her Back to Basics cookbook (click on Italian Wedding Soup link to go to the recipe). Wedding Soup was always one of my favorite growing up in Pittsburgh. It's rare to find here in Seattle. I remember having it at weddings and in college at a local tavern. Brings me happy memories from my roots, so I'm always in search for a recipe to match up to my recollection. This recipe is tasty. I love the dill twist, although I think parsley is more traditional. Needed to add some bouillon to the stock and additional pepper. It's worth searching out Acini Pepe (small pasta dots) or stars as the pasta. The carbohydrate is just a supporting cast member here - the real standouts are the chicken meatballs and the veggies. 

All in all it's a lovely soup. I give it a A-.

Italian Wedding Soup:

Aromatics roasting up

Italian Meatballs fresh from the oven

It's soup

Photo log - Arizona

Finally I've started to work on all the photo books I've been planning. It'll be a long project to catalog my digital memories. I made a bargain with myself to help facilitate the process. All trips that I want to memorialize independently, I will utilize pre-existing templates on Iphoto, Shutterfly or Kodak gallery. The yearbooks are where I will concentrate on scrapbooking. Some of my trips have 1,000s of photos to work through. If I custom design them all - nothing will ever get done. Plus, I can always do a few pages from the trip in the annuals with my special touch.

Shutterfly was running a sale on photo books recently. Worked up a few albums to take advantage of the discount. I also negotiated with my guilty conscience that I would alternate my projects between time with Chuck and my life beyond Chuck. Its critically important for me to write the stories down. But the pressure and emotionality of doing so has made me walk away from scrapbooking for 2+ years now. This guideline helps me relax about it. 

The first book I jumped into from our life was our honeymoon in Arizona. Found myself to be very enchanted and charmed by our trip. Maybe enough time has passed to allow the space for me be just grateful for that week we shared. I want to share a few images of that trip that were my favorites as I put the book together. 

It was a beautiful time.

POSTCARDS from Arizona 

First destination - Hoover Dam

Second Destination - The Grand Canyon

Third destination - Sedona